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From: "Adam H. Kerman" <ahk@chinet.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
Subject: Re: The -Isms: A 'Splainer on Different Forms of Government
Date: Thu, 3 Jul 2025 22:10:24 -0000 (UTC)
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BTR1701 <atropos@mac.com> wrote:

>SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government says you only need one and forces
>you to give the other to your neighbor.

>COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You're required to give both cows to the
>government, after which they might give you back some milk.

>FASCISM: You have two cows. You give all of the milk to the government and the
>government turns around and sells it.

>NAZISM: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both cows.

>ANARCHISM: You have two cows. You keep both cows, shoot the government agent
>that comes to tax them, and steal another cow from your neighbor.

>CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

It's said to have originated in a Chicago political campaign in the mid
'30s. Here are some more:

New Dealism: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one,
buys milk from the other cow, then pours the milk down the drain.  Cited
in: Lisgar Collegiate Institute. Vox Lycei 1939-1940. Lisgar Alumni
Association. p. 71.

Russian company: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them
again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however
many cows you have.

Here's a modern one about credit default swaps.

Enronism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly
listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by your CFO who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on six
more.

In honor of Riley Gaines as a leader fighting post feminism,

Transgenderism: You have two cows. One of the cows convinces you that
he's a bull. The other cow cannot be convinced that she's gotten
pregnant. Your dairy farm fails and you and your family starve to death.