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From: Zersterer <nochsfentor@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: How long must I wait for you?
Date: Fri, 12 Jul 2024 03:31:20 -0500
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Chapter 1

Flip out king and queen.  Much of your discourse is fatal shock and 
retribution for conversation you didn't understand.  You go to hell and 
back in a matter of plenty blood vessels.  One half we are chatting, the 
next you are in a bull rush to meet me and subdue.

Flip out king and queen.  If it weren't for my ability to defuse a 
situation I'd be minus a few more teeth than the crooked one the dentist 
pulled.  It leaves me feeling flat.  Some of you I can take, others are 
fat sumo wrestlers coming at me.

After the fact, I hate you even though I pretend to be fine.  You 
simpleton!  You never knew me.

What I'm getting at is this has left me vulnerable and cagy.  I don't 
particularly like your presence but often am forced to grin and bear it. 
  I don't see this in other people.  When I am on the phone with you I 
have no fear.  I can chop you down like a cherry tree.  It's your 
physical presence and its proximity that get me seemingly no matter how 
dull in the teeth you are.  You are Mega Man.

And now you meme your addiction.

Burned.  Got burned. Got sizzled. Didn't get tied.

Enough about you.  Let's focus on me for awhile.  I'm a 25 year old 
German language scholar.  I started learning German as a wee lad at age 
9.  Now I'm, how do you call it?  Fluent.

Chapter 2

I was on the other side of the bars.  The window.  Chowing down on my 
commissary bought California cheeseburger and drinking a fine $2 bottle 
of Pepsi.  You were there to interview me.  To take notes and see if I 
was worth going out on a limb for.  But I lost my cool when you asked me 
what I thought was my best feature.  I've been asked this a thousand 
times and I always tell them, my intelligence.  Here you were and I was 
at the end of my rope.  I told you my best feature was "Immersion." 
When you stared like a dull-eyed doe, I explained, "I can lose myself in 
a video game."  And you were like, "Yeah, whatever."  I was walking on 
eggshells the rest of the interview.  I can't talk rationally to a 
person who treats me like that.  Maybe I should have thrown my chair 
against the wall.  But that Pepsi was so goddamn good.

Chapter 3

I made two discoveries before writing this to you.  1) I can kill enough 
monsters to get aggressively powerful if I wander the city like I 
wandered the castle.  I have this idea that after unlocking all the 
doors and barging in that the population goes down.  I leave the 
Rodentia and Arachnids and the humanoids to their homes in order to 
provide a feeling of safety to the recently battered peeps.  2) I can 
create collisions in chess by holding off on skirmishes, saving them 
like the board was a refrigerator full of Mickey Mouse contraptions. 
This is a skill necessary to learn to advance above what I have.

Chapter 4

I've been looking for the solution to my chess ills and I think this is 
it.  My game was linear up to this point, chasing guys around the board, 
never knowing how to set up the bomb.  I just figured it out, and as I 
write this missive to you, to open your eyes that I have been wasting 
your time with my previous messages.  Maybe this will work out and do 
what I want it to.

Chapter 5

I've been looking for this solution to my video game ills and I think 
this is it.  My guys would basically get in exile as they wandered 
further and further from home base always searching for orcs to 
obliterate and wizards to wreck.  Now, I have an almost unlimited supply 
of evil to vanquish.

Chapter 6

When I told you "Immersive" it was a leap of faith.  I could have said 
my intelligence is my best feature, but how can I expect you to 
experience the intelligence inside my mind?  I feel it is an invasion of 
my person when you nag me with "You must be really smart." from your 
quarters.  It was a leap of faith that did not pay off, because you 
obviously didn't understand why that was a positive feature.  It's 
because here I am inside your head in this missive because I immersed 
myself in your ichor, that trail of slime you left the last day I saw 
you when you decided to throw me under the bus.

Chapter 7

Full OCP cyber technology state of the art destructive capabilities 
commanded by a unique combination of software and organic systems

Chapter 8

A negative of chess is that many opponents are rude assholes.  I learned 
to castle in the first year I learned chess.  I castle often and I 
usually castle.  I go up against this mad master and he has to 
complement me every time I castle.  Too many times.  Castling is like 
magic in the game.  Far be it from me to be less than a wizard in a game 
with magic.  My favorite role is the battlemage, a mastery of magic 
paired with a deadly wood and metal quarterstaff.  I know how to castle 
and I don't need you to tell me it's a good move.  Save that for the 
mundane plays that are better than usual, please.

Chapter 9

    |     |
     |   |

horsheshoe, magnet

solve difficult problems to get great items,

the wizard's uncle

Chapter 10

This is because of your Confusestry.

My what?

You play obscure variations in Chess, so they got their computer chess 
players to take you on.  They can't waste their minds on unforeseen blabber.

I am a tactical genius!

solve difficult problems to get great items,

the wizard's uncle

Chapter 11

Do you have a Bible?  I have one on the computer," and tapping the top 
of the laptop, "but it's nice to have one in paper.

"C'you help me out?"

"I suppose," and hand him a cigarette in an otherwise empty box.

"Close that door!  Stay out of here!"

Flip.

    * * *

People resist being upbraided.  I'm sure he'll do or say something 
unclean if I confront him.  Still, it is imperative that I confront him 
because it was so wrong.  He's been going on and on about Steve and I'm 
incredibly tired of hearing the same blather way too many times.  This 
incident was couched in his right to a certain peace of mind while here. 
  But he's bringing in the riff raff himself.  I don't interfere with 
his visitation, where does he get the notion that he can shout at the 
people who visit me?

"How am I supposed to get my Bible if Steve can't come in?"

"If you could just refrain from shouting at my guests..."

He doesn't respond either time.

After a few he gets up, indignant, and walks out the door.  Here it 
comes...

He goes off and fingerbangs my gutterslut and does what he pleases while 
I sit and chew on my fingernails..  Obviously she likes being shouted at.

I _don't_ want to talk to him.

"bullshitbullshitbullshit"

"Oh really?"

"repeats bullshit," and I know it's a lie that he needs to get through 
for his manhood.  No one gets that excited about repeating something 
unless they are lying through their teeth.

I lie, "I'll go find out."

I get the verification about the coupling from an information broker.

I'm so through with her.  I'll have to put up with him for awhile, 
pretending to be amiable.  Revenge is a dish best served cold.  It's not 
a love triangle, it's a love pentagon.  Her socially accepted boyfriend 
meets me in the woods and we exchange his and byes.  Maybe he's getting 
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