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NNTP-Posting-Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2024 16:59:06 +0000
From: Spalls Hurgenson <spallshurgenson@gmail.com>
Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action
Subject: The Borderlands movie is as bad as everyone expected
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2024 12:59:06 -0400
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Apparently even Uwe Boll is making fun of it.

Movies based on video games have long had a reputation for being
low-quality cinema, but in recent years there had been some gradual
improvement. While few (none?) of them were _great_, at least they
weren't unwatchable, something both fans and non-gamers could enjoy.
It seemed like we'd reached some sort of turning point, where
Hollywood and Silicon Valley had come to a sort of accord, both
respecting the other enough to put the effort into producing a movie
that wouldn't get instantly panned.

"Borderlands" is a throwback to the olden days. It is such absolute
trash that it -and I'm saying this honestly- makes the 1993 "Mario
Brothers" movie look like "Lawrence of Arabia" in comparison. It's not
bad-but-with-some-good bits, like a Michael Bay movie. It's not even
'so horrible it wraps around again to being watchable', like an Ed
Wood flic. 

It is not so much that "Borderlands" is terrible as it's just poorly
made in _every_ respect. The dialogue isn't interesting. The story
isn't interesting. The acting isn't good. The cinematography and
lighting is bland. Individually, any of these problems could be
surmounted if the rest of the movie had any redeeming quality. But
there's nothing well made about "Borderlands". It doesn't even have
any quotes or situations that are so off-the-wall badly done as they
become fun to watch just because it's fun to laugh at how low-quality
it is.

I honestly felt like everyone involved - directors, producers,
writers, actors, music composers - hated being a part of the project
and purposefully gave the lowest possible effort they could and still
get paid. They aren't being lazy or sabotaging the movie with bad
effort. They just aren't putting any heart into it. They seem as bored
being there as I was watching them. Having seen the movie, I
desperately want to rewind time and get those two hours of life back,
not only because it was such a waste but because I'd really like to
scour my brain of the experience. Even the kids won't enjoy this one.
It's tedious, predictible, paint-by-numbers film-making that is
unredeemably blah.

It's not really a surprise though. The early trailers --which
typically show the best a movie has to offer-- were pretty terrible.
The "Borderlines" franchise seemed such an unlikely source material
for a movie anyway; it is an extremely shallow game with extremely
dumb humor and writing that I think _any_ director/writer would be
hard-pressed to make something good out of it. Still, Lionsgate really
seemed to be dredging out the bottom of the barrel with this one.

Apparently, the movie is so bad and is such a bomb in the theaters
that the studios are rushing it to streaming services in hopes of
getting some money from the licensing. But I'm not sure any of the
major streaming services will want to touch this turd. Maybe TUBI or
one of those advert-laden free movie streaming services will want it. 

Don't go to see "Borderlands". Not if you a fan of the games. Not if
you like good movies. Not even if you enjoy _bad_ movies. It is just
so completely unrewarding in every single respect that you'll wish you
hadn't... so don't.