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From: "Michael Ejercito   <mejrcit"@gmail.invalid
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Subject: Gerbilling
Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2025 23:13:22 -0500
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www.latimes.com

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only 
trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in 
the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his 
homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for 
emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped 
Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 
'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried 
to retrieve Ragout but he simply would not come out, so I peered into 
the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what 
happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. 
Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely 
burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, 
causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a 
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out 
of the cardboard tube like a cannonball.'

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the 
impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree 
burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.


-- 

Michael